The 21st Century Is Sexy

I have no idea why this video exists, but this is the kind of shit I've been wanting to see for a long time. I still feel like advanced slow motion technology is underutilized. Here's some more stuff I'd like to see in super slow motion:

The boobies in the above video getting shot with a Super Soaker.

A hippie getting hit by a Hummer.

A hippie getting hit by any hybrid car (sweet irony).

Dwight Howard's Superman dunk.

Gallagher smashing a Watermelon.

A white man's fall from grace into homelessness.

That's about all I could think of at the moment. I'm sure some more will come to me in due time.

Why I Went To See "Rambo" Last Night

This review was highly persuasive and the main reason I spent my hard earned money to go see Rambo last night. And you know what? That kid was totally right! The movie was badass and there was hardly any diologue, just like Secxman said. Thanks Sexman. You know that Sexman has to get tons of ass. I mean, just look at him, pure unadulterated badass.

You're probably wondering how I came across Sexman's articulate and informative review. Well I saw it on a fantastic movie blog that I read regularly called FilmDrunk. I suggest you check it out.

India; Where A Man Can Still Be A Man

Fuck Yes. That guy was so badass. I can only hope that one day I will be able to make an entrance as grand as the one that guy made. Rolling up my sleeves and just oozing with swagger. Very cool. I think I'm going to move to India because a man can still be a man there. Political corect-ness is keeping me and many other dudes from reaching our full badass potential. This clearly is not a problem in India. I'm on my way to Bollywood. NAMASTE!

THE REBIRTH...

OK, I haven't posted in over 2 months for a number of reasons. However I'm not here to make excuses like I have in the past. As you have surely noticed, I felt like the site needed a new look. I'm back for real this time so look for me to post frequently.

This Guy Kicks Ass, Hockey Still Sucks

This is a drunk ass fan at a New York Islanders game. You can tell by the sweat pants that this guy was planning on getting hammered. Being in sweats while inebriated is heavenly. This guy has it all figured out. Big up to The Postmen for unearthing this gem of a video.

Snoop Dogg's "Sensual Seduction"

Feast your eyes on the greatest music video of recent memory, "Sensual Seduction" by Snoop Dogg.

Holy shit! That is an awesome video. It's nice to see musicians these days, especially in rap, not take themselves so seriously. If you were wondering about the quality of the video, that is by design. He obviously used that old looking film to give it the retro feel. I know that only a retard would fail to grasp that, but this is a blog about drinking and scat humor, so I felt like some of the readers (7 out of 22) might need an explanation. I especially liked the keyboard guitar and the Roger Troutman-style voice box straw thingy. That shit is sweet.

OMG!!! AN UPDATE!!!

OK, I'm back for real now. I'm sorry for not posting, but I work full time now so I get tired and shit. I also have been using my creative juice towards a different project. I have been doing open mic stand up comedy here in San Francisco, so that's kind of what I have been doing with my free time.

In any case, I plan to start posting for real again. Half of what kept me from posting was the fucking Mulatto list. The Mulatto community is so volatile that I found myself constantly having to change the order of the top 20, so I never posted it. I might post it some day, but for now the remaining 20 of the Mulatto list shall remain an unsolved mystery. Now let's get back to business...

The Return of The Mulatto List: 30-21

I'm sorry for the long delay between posts, but I've been really busy for the first time in like a year. Well let's get right to it.

30. Jayson Williams
Jayson Williams is the former NBA All-Star Center for the New Jersey Nets. I had no idea that he was a Mulatto, but I looked it up and it is true. He was a pretty good player and was a pretty funny guy in interviews and TV appearances. All in all, a really likable guy as well as talented. The only reason that he is this low on the list is because he accidentally killed his limo driver with a shotgun. Williams avoided jail time after a jury ruled that the shooting was caused by the shotgun misfiring due to a factory defect.

29. Eartha Kitt
This lady played the Catwoman on the 1960's Batman TV show. Orson Welles once called Eartha Kitt "The most exciting woman in the world." That's kind of broad. It could mean just about anything, but I'm going to assume that it meant that he wanted to have sex with her. It's kind of a bummer that Halle Berry took the Catwoman character and turned it into quite possibly the worst movie ever made. I'm not losing much sleep over it 'cause hey, it's Halle Berrry in leather.

28. Thandie Newton
I really haven't got a whole lot to say about Ms. Newton. I know she's British and that she may have had an eating disorder. That's about it. She made this list purely off of being super hot in "Mission Impossible 2".

27. Devon Ellis
Who is Devon Ellis, you ask? Haha, Devon Ellis is a strong Mulatto that would rank higher on this list if he was actually a celebrity. He is my roommate, good friend, fellow Mulatto, and probably the most prolific drinker I've ever known. He loves America, as you can see by his head wear, and he is all man. His DVD collection is strong and admirable, featuring many legendary movies like "Ghost Dad" and "The Pest" starring John Leguizamo. His collection is the only one that rivals mine. He introduced me to Boston Market microwavable beef sirloin and noodles, which is the greatest microwavable food ever. That was more than enough to earn him a spot on this list.

26. James Blake
James Blake is kinda cool. He's an American pro tennis player. I don't follow tennis that much, but James Blake just seems cool to me. However, when I do follow tennis, it always seems like he is losing. This is why he only ranks 26 on the list despite me thinking he's pretty cool.

25. Me
I am the 25th Mulatto on the list. Do you really need an explanation? I mean look at the picture. It takes a man to pull those shorts off. I am also the author of this blog, which probably has a whopping 20-25 readers. I also did a couple of awesome things in my 22 years, like the time I dug a hole at the beach, laid in it, covered myself with a towel and bread, and then caught a seagull in my arms. It was beyond badass. I also played the role of Rufus in the 2005 independent film "Love on The Rocks".

24. Tony Gonzalez

Tony Gonzalez is the tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs. He is arguably the greatest tight end of all time. He really should be higher on this list, but he pisses me off due the fact that he is Puerto Rican and cannot speak Spanish. A damn shame, especially since the NFL could use a legit Latino ambassador. Whatever, they have those NFL Latino commercials now.

23. John Amaechi
John Amaechi might be the most courageous Mulatto on this list. He used to play center for several NBA teams. The 7-foot Brit recently came out of the closet as a homosexual and has provided tons of insight into the discussion of homosexuality in sports. If you ever get a chance to check out one of his post-coming out interviews, please do. Like I said before, he's got a lot to say. I know homophobia is an awful thing, and I do not condone it. However, when Amaechi came out of the closet, Tim Hardaway left us with this idiotic rant that I can't help but laugh at:

22. Maya Rudolph
Maya Rudolph is, in my opinion, is one of the funniest women in the world. Her mother was Minnie Riperton, the black soul singer who performed "Lovin' You". Her father was a Jewish producer. I'm not making this up. If you don't agree that she is hilarious, then watch this Destiny's child parody:


21. Ben Harper
I really don't like Ben Harper's music. I really don't like Ben Harper's wife, actress Laura Dern. She isn't attractive and she annoyed the shit out of me in "Jurassic Park". So why does he have such a decent spot on my list? I saw him on time on Haight St. and he looked kind of cool and I was surprised that I could recognize a celebrity that I don't really know much about. I guess Ben Harper is alright with me.

Well that's all for today. I promise that I will deliver the final 20 spots on the countdown, as well as other goodies, by the end of the work week. Take care of yourselves and be don't be afraid to get interracial and add fuel to the Mulatto fire.

Happy Halloween To All My Witches and My [Grave] Diggas!

Awwww man. Awww fuck man. It's so on. Halloween is the tits. I fucking love Halloween. Halloween has always been one of my favorite days of the year throughout my entire life. It has always offered me something awesome at every stage of my life. During my childhood I went trick or treating like everyone else. In High School, me and my buddies would just hop in our cars and throw eggs at trick or treaters that looked too old to be trolling for candy. I'll bet you're thinking something like "what an asshole!" Well fuck you. That shit was fun, don't knock it till you've tried it. In college, I would just get hammered on Halloween and enjoy all of the wonderful, sexy outfits college girls like wearing on Halloween. That's the coolest thing about Halloween once you get to college, girls just wear shit that they would never wear otherwise.

Unfortunately, I'm done with college now...wait. Why the fuck is this unfortunate? I'm still gonna get trashed tonight, and I won't have any class tomorrow. This is tremendous! I intend on drinking something festive, but maybe a little ghoulish as well. Maybe some champagne with like a fake severed finger in the glass. Ah fuck that's a stupid idea. I have this sweet Halloween glass that I bought last year. It's like a skull at the bottom, the shit is cool. I can just drink any kind of booze out of that and be festive and ghoulish. Yea that's a much better idea. In any case, I'm going to have a great time. What's that? You want to know what I'm going to be for Halloween? Oh, I can't share that with you yet. If anything exceptional happens tomorrow night, there will surely be a follow up post where I will fill you all in as well as tell you what I am dressing up as. I'm not to big on it, I don't think it's that creative or well done. Well at least it will be better than this guy's costume:



Seriously dude? C'mon man, everyone knows that Frankenstein is green, not black. He certainly doesn't wear Greg Oden's Ohio State jers...oh shit. That is actually Greg Oden. He really looks like that? That's fucked up man. My bad.

HW&B Top 50 Mulattoes List: 40-31

Alright, so now that we've made it through the first ten spots on the list, it's time for 40-31. Lets get is going.

40. Drew Gooden

Drew Gooden is the starting power forward for the Eastern Conference Champions, the Cleveland Cavaliers. He hails from Oakland, California. Drew Gooden is a solid player, but I don't like him all that much. I put him on the list because I feel like any Mulatto that starts for an NBA conference championship team should be honored on the list. He really should be higher on this list, but there is one thing that is holding him back...

WHAT. THE. FUCK. Seriously, why does he have a patch of hair on the back of his neck? He has said that it's "an Oakland thing" yet I live in the Bay Area and I have yet to see anyone wearing one of those. I do see a bunch or rat-tails, but no patches. Maybe his hair patch is just and underdeveloped rat-tail, in which case I might give him a break.

39. Lisa Bonet

Lisa Bonet is half Jewish and half Black. She played Denise Huxtable on "The Cosby Show". She was married to Lenny Kravitz, who is also half Black and half Jewish. This was very convenient because they had a daughter, Zoe, so she is also Black and Jewish. The reason I have Lisa Bonet on this list is because the rap duo of MURS and Slug (of the group Atmosphere) made an album called "Felt 2: A Tribute to Lisa Bonet". I love that fucking album, therefore Lisa Bonet has a special place in my heart. Here is a video from that album, shit is kinda awesome:


38. David Justice

David Justice is a badass. He used to be an outfielder for a whole shitload of Major League teams, but I really don't care to mention any of them. He is on this list for two reasons and two reasons only. First, he was an absolute badass on MTV's Rock N Jock Softball back in the early-mid 90's. He and Kenny Lofton would lead their teams into battle for annual Rock N Jock supremacy. I used to love that shit as a kid. The second reason Justice is on this list is because he was once married to Halle Berry. One time when she was on Letterman, she showed a tattoo on her ass that was dedicated to David Justice. That's gotta make a guy feel like a true badass. Justice would be higher on this list if he could have stayed with Halle Berry or remained in the public eye somehow. I'm sure he's kicking himself now because she's only gotten older and she looks just as good, maybe better. She still looks great now despite being pregnant. Check it out: I know, right?

37. Lloyd Banks

Lloyd Banks is a member of 50 Cent's rap group, G-Unit. Banks is the son of a Puerto Rican Mother and a Black father. There was a time when Banks was one of my favorite rappers and was generally regarded as a highly promising talent. His debut album, "The Hunger For More" went platinum and was critically acclaimed. His second album, "Rotten Apple" was God awful and the reason he is only #37 on this list. Seriously, that album was shit. I really like Banks, so I hope he can recover. I just puked a little in my mouth because I was thinking about how shitty "Rotten Apple" is. Now I gotta go brush my teeth.

36. Karyn Parsons

Karyn Parsons played the role of Hillary on "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air". She's on the list because I think she's really hot. Have you ever seen the movie "The Ladies Man"? She looks amazing in that movie. That's all I really have to say about Karyn Parsons.

35. Rick Fox

Rick Fox used to play small forward for the Los Angeles Lakers. Rick was one of my favorite players and he is on this list because he was a valuable role player on the Laker teams that won NBA championships from 2000-2002. He is also an actor, and was on the HBO show "OZ" which was one of my favorites. He also used to be married to Vanessa Williams, so that helps his cause as well. Here's a clip of Rick Fox on "OZ":


34. Mario Van Peebles

I don't know why, but I really like this guy. He's the balls. I don't know a whole lot about Mario Van Peebles. I know that he was badass in "New Jack City" with Wesley Snipes and Ice-T, and that he was in this movie called "Solo" that I never saw. In any case, this guy is pretty cool.

33. Rosie Perez

Rosie Perez is a Puerto Rican Mulatta and she is on this list for a couple of reasons. She's in two of my favorite movies ever, "Do The Right Thing" and "White Men Can't Jump". The other reason she's on this list is because she has FANTASTIC boobs. You see them in both of those movies, which is awesome. Kanye West recently made a reference to Rosie's boobs in one of his songs. The lyric goes like this:

"Mr. Fresh, Mister-by hisself he's so impressed
I mean damn, did you even see the test
You got D's, motherfucker, D's! Rosie Perez!"

32. Bernie Williams


Bernie Williams is a former Major League Baseball player and critically acclaimed Latin Jazz guitarist. Bernie played center field for the New York Yankees and won four World Series championships with the Yanks. Bernie is an accomplished guitar player as you can tell by the photograph above. Bernie, like Rosie Perez, is a Puerto Rican Mulatto.

31. Shane Battier

Shane Battier plays small forward for the Houston Rockets. He was a superstar in college, leading the Duke Blue Devils to a national championship in 2001 while winning just about every collegiate player of the year award. I HATE Duke, but I've always had a strong respect for Shane Battier. He plays hard and he plays the game the right way. I wish he played for the Lakers. He also has a really fucking weird shape to his head, which combined with his collegiate accolades, was enough to land him the 31 spot on this list.

Well that's all for today, check back tomorrow night for the third installment of the Mulatto list. Keep thinking about that hot interracial action folks. PEACE!

Welcome To The HW&B Top 50 Mulattoes List: 50-41

If the headline to this post confused you at all, allow me to clarify. Over the course of this week I will be posting my list of the top 50 Mulattoes in the world. You may be wondering why I am doing this list, well in case you haven't been able to tell by reading my posts, I myself am a Mulatto of Cuban descent. This is very close to my heart. I would also like to make it clear that I am saying the word "Mulatto" in Spanish, which is not offensive. Saying Mulatto in English is like way offensive, so if you use the word do it with the Spanish pronunciation.

Also, for the sake of the list, I must give my definition of what a Mulatto is. To me a Mulatto is anyone with African and European heritage or, simply put, someone who is black and white mixed. The list is based on nothing but my own personal criteria, so I don't need any of you fuckers telling me who you would have placed at the top of the list. I don't give a shit about your opinion unless you too are a Mulatto. My Dad and my roommate are the only people whose opinions I took into consideration while making this list because they too are Mulattoes. Well enough with the foreplay, It's business time.

50. Pierre

The first Mulatto to be honored in this list is actor/comedian Pierre Edwards, more commonly known as "Pierre". Pierre is one of those black(one drop rule) comedians that is a relative nobody to the mainstream, but is pretty well known within the black community. Pierre starred alongside Bill Bellamy in "Def Jam's How To Be A Player" as well as countless rap videos. I couldn't tell you what Pierre is up to these days which is why he occupies the last spot on this list. Here is some of his work in the video for Project Pat's "Don't Save Her"


49. Taimak Guarriello

Taimak is a totally badass half black half Italian and has what it takes to be much higher on this list. He played "Bruce Leroy Green" in the 1985 cult classic "The Last Dragon". I say that Taimak should be higher on this list because "The Last Dragon" is one of my all time favorite movies, but Taimak hasn't done shit since then. As much as I love Bruce Leroy, I can't highly rank a dude who hasn't done anything of note for the last 22 years. Here is the trailer for "The Last Dragon".


48. Christopher "Kid" Reid

Reid is one half of the rap duo, "Kid N Play". Kid starred alongside his partner in crime, Play, in the "House Party" trilogy. Kid is obviously known for his awesome hair. No one is more closely associated with the hi-top fade than Kid. Here's a clip of Kid cutting a rug in the first "House Party" movie.


47. Rain Pryor

Rain Pryor is Richard Pryor's daughter. I've seen her a couple times on TV and I'm not entirely sure what she does, I think she does comedy. The only reason I put her on this list is because I needed an excuse to post a good Richard Pryor clip. Here you go:


46. Lou Bega

Lou Bega is Latin-pop musician that created "Mambo No. 5". Funny thing is that Bega is not even Latino. He was born in Germany to a Ugandan father and Sicilian mother. Bega is arguably the most prolific one hit wonder in the history of Mulattodom. Here is video evidence of his one hit song:


45. Bizzy Bone

Bizzy Bone used to be a member of the legendary Rap group, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. He left the group because he wanted to go solo, then he found God and has since gone bat-shit crazy. I couldn't tell you what he's up to these days other than updating his MySpace page.

44. Andre Royo

Andre Royo is a Cuban-American Mulatto, just like me. Royo is an exceptional actor and is most famous for his role on HBO's award winning series, "The Wire". Royo plays a charismatic drug addict and police informant known as "Bubbles". Here is a clip of Royo as Bubbles at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. It's kind of depressing, but the best clip I could find.


43./42. The Mowry Twins

Tia and Tamera Mowry used to be on that show "Sister Sister" back in the 90's. I never liked that show, but I know that those girls got pretty rich off it and they're kind of hot now, so they get spots on the countdown. They are solid representatives of the Mulatto community.

41. Faith Evans

Faith Evans is on this list for one reason and one reason only; She was married to the Notorious B.I.G. She was married to a living legend which makes her a lot like Brett Favre's wife, Deanna, except without breast cancer and fidelity. Faith also got busted with cocaine once, which I am sure has never happened to Deanna Favre, so I guess that's one less thing that they have in common. Faith, unlike the Mowry twins, is not a solid representative for the Mulatto community but she was with Biggie, so we accept her.

Well that is all for today. Check back tomorrow for the second portion (40-31) of the list that is a reminder of all the hot interracial action that goes on every day.

What The Fuck!?

These pictures were taken from a German costume website. Wow, not since the time an old, drunk Brit called me a "black Mexican" have I been so offended. Oh, and apparently the Germans have costumes that mock other races too, so Asians, Native Americans and Jews don't feel left out.



Pictures courtesy of Cracked

Monkeys In India Are Also Assassins

Some monkeys in Dehli, India killed a politician. Here's the scoop from BBC News Online:

The deputy mayor of the Indian capital Delhi has died a day after being attacked by a horde of wild monkeys.

SS Bajwa suffered serious head injuries when he fell from the first-floor terrace of his home on Saturday morning trying to fight off the monkeys.

The city has long struggled to counter its plague of monkeys, which invade government complexes and temples, snatch food and scare passers-by.

The High Court ordered the city to find an answer to the problem last year.

If you think that was good, check out one of the solutions that the city thought up:

One approach has been to train bands of larger, more ferocious langur monkeys to go after the smaller groups of Rhesus macaques.

WHAT. THE. FUCK. That is the coolest thing I've ever heard. I don't know about you, but I can feel a Monkey civil war brewing in India. If that shit goes down, I'm going to India when this shit settles down and offer Monkey Civil War Veterans money to fight each other on a pay-per view event. I'll be like the Don King of monkeys, or if you think that would be cruel you could call me the Mike Vick of monkeys. Honestly, I wouldn't mind either one.

Honda Made A Pretty Good Commercial

You see, it isn't that difficult to make a good, funny commercial. However, fucking Taco Bell has been making awful commercials for the last 8 years. Get it together Taco Bell, you're embarrassing the Latino community.

James Lipton Don't Love No Hoes

I don't know if this video is a testament to how cool James Lipton can be, or how soft France is. I mean seriously, if James Lipton can become a pimp in France, I can start my own organized crime ring.

Shit Happens

How fucking boring must Idaho be if someone shitting under an overpass makes the news? Hobos shit in front of my apartment daily and you never see any news cameras hanging around or interviewing my ass. You know why? Because San Francisco has at least 500 Phantom Poopers running around and shitting all over the place.

This Is Why Favre's Hot

Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers lost their first game of the season on Sunday night to the Chicago Bears, but don't let that fool you. Brett Favre is still the hottest motherfucker in the game right now. Don't believe me? Check the video:

Who knew that Wrangler jeans and Hip Hop could coexist in such harmony. That's what America and Favre (because he is America personified) are all about.

Here's some more of Favre's awesomeness:


UPDATE: Congress is seriously going to honor Brett Favre. Get the entire scoop here.

Solid Gold

I have some great news today. A good friend of mine started a blog of his own and it is amazing. It's a sports blog called "Better Than Solid". I told him that I would implore my readers (all 18 of you...we're growing! Isn't this exciting?) to check his blog out. Like I said, this blog is awesome so check it out: nothinbetterthansolid.blogspot.com or just click on the link on your left hand side. As you can see I've also added links to other blogs that are well written and humorous. Check 'em out!

R. Kelly Keeps It Real

So it looks like R. Kelly has made a video for the song "Real Talk" from his legendary album "Double Up". Here's the video:

How awesome was that? First of all, that song is just ridiculous. He doesn't even try to rhyme or make any sense. I particularly liked how he was pouring himself some Patron. The un-braided hair was also a nice touch. While the entire video is entertaining, there is no denying that the best part is at the end when his buddies fight and R. Kelly slaps the camera. That reminded me of the time I had to slap a paparazzo that was taking pictures of me as I was leaving my apartment. As you would imagine, those pictures were published with a headline reading "Unemployed Sex Symbol Assaults Cameraman!!!" That sucked, and I can totally identify with the bullshit that R. Kelly and other stars have to deal with. Real Talk.

NEWSFLASH!!! Japan Still Kicks Ass!

Wow, that's fucking cool. Given the high volume of amazing youtube videos that come from Japan, you would think that they just think up shit that they know will entertain Americans for hours. I'd like to know if it is even possible for anyone to successfully ride across the lake. I don't think Lance Armstrong could make it across, but he's half the man I am. Who gives a shit if he won the Tour De France like 100 times, he only has one testicle.

I got this video from WithLeather. It's an amazing sports blog written by legendary stud and extraordinary blogger, Matt Ufford. High quality shit.