My Trip To Fisherman's Wharf

Today I went on a trip to San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf. Fisherman's Wharf is this place that is overrun by tourists. It's one of those places in a city that only tourists really go to. The only time I ever go there is to eat In-N-Out because it's the only one in the city.

Today I went because I had to buy one of those "I Heart SF" t-shirts for my cousin. Seeing as I've been starved for posting ideas, I figured I would kill two birds with one stone by mustering up some source material from the wharf. I was armed with a camera and took pictures of all kinds of shit. Fisherman's Wharf has a shitload of those little shops that sell useless shit that only tourists would ever want. Here are some pics of said merchandise.


Look at how stupid this shit is. A bunch of shot glasses with little fake criminals on them. I'm glad none of those little jailbirds were black because we would have had some problems with the storekeeper. I can totally picture some family visiting from somewhere in the mid-west just eating this shit up.


Yea, go for it! Dress your baby up as a convict, but don't be surprised when this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and your "Alcatraz Penitentiary Reject" starts holding up pharmacies. Also, way to set the bar nice and high for your child, we all wish our kids can one day be known as "Alcatraz Penitentiary Reject". Fuck any parent that dresses their kid in that bullshit.


If you don't think this is a badass jacket, then fuck you. Of all the things you can buy at the Wharf, this is by far the best. I almost bought this jacket. If I had it last week for the 4th, I would have had a much better day. I'm going to go back and buy that jacket when I'm not so broke.

Fisherman's Wharf also features a wide array of street performers. I got a couple pictures of today's standouts.

So this guy's whole gig was just standing still like that. That was it. I watched him for like five minutes and that's all he did. Sad thing is, he sucks and standing still. He moved like a million times in those five minutes that I spent watching him. Notice the Asian lady in the picture. She was hauling ass to avoid that guy.


This is one of those dudes that paints him self all silver and does the robot while making robot noises. There are like three of these guys on the Wharf. My guess is that this guy wasn't performing because everyone was down the street looking at the old gay magician who plays with the big silver rings.

Another attraction is the open air seafood market. You can just go up to these stands that sell clam chowder, shrimp cocktails, crab and all that shit. Here are some more photos.


This is where they cook the crab. That looks real fuckin' appetizing, don't it? The dude who was working that stand just left it totally abandoned. I could have put my balls in there and no one would have stopped me. What's to stop someone from spitting in that shit while it's unattended. That shit is gross, hell it looks like someone already pissed in there. I half-expected some kind of mini water monster to pop out of that shit, kind of like in that movie "Toys", when that killer water monster tries to kill Robin Williams and LL Cool J.


Here we have some pictures from the wax museum on the Wharf.




First of all, that top one looks nothing like Jackie Chan Yao Ming. Second, that wax statue of Barry Bonds could be better, but they did a perfect job of recreating Barry's super gay ear ring and what years of steroid use have done to the size and curvature of his head.

As you can tell by my collection of pictures, today's visit to Fisherman's Wharf was a devil of a good time.