Graduation was this past Friday. I had to be at school at about 11:15 for the 12:00 PM ceremony. It was total bullshit because all I did during that time was put on the funny part of my gown that I couldn't figure out. The 45 minutes were spent talking to my life partner/roommate, Rob, about how we should have brought beer to the atrium before we had to go in the church for the ceremony. I'm sure someone would have bitched about it, but I saw some girls drinking champagne, so I would have made a huge scene if anyone bitched at me without calling out the girls with the cheap champagne. While observing the girls who were pissing me off by doing what I wished I had done, I also noticed some highly decorated graduates. Some had a bunch of shit draped on them to commemorate all of the hard work (ass kissing) they did during their college careers. I had nothing. Rob didn't either, so I felt better about myself. However, I did find out that I could have gotten a poncho-looking thing for being Latino, as well as a green ribbon for being a sociology major.
After the 45 minutes passed, it was time for the big show. The speaker was alright, our valedictorian was the shortstop on the baseball team and he gave one of the most awful speeches I've ever heard. The only speech I've seen in person that irked me more was when I was at this funeral and a step-son gave a really half-assed speech about his stepmother who had passed. That doesn't put our valedictorian in great company as you would imagine. Everything that happened between walking into the church and me getting my empty diploma cover was boring except for the part when the speaker said "Jew" three times in like a minute and I wanted to laugh real badly. He just kept saying it and it had nothing to do with the graduation, USF is a Jesuit school. Anyway, when they were calling out people's names, they had us line up and right before taking the stage you take a couple of pictures in front of a backdrop and then you shake hands with Father Privett, the president of the University, and grab your diploma cover. Here are the pictures I took:
OK, so this is a typical goofy smile that I crack from time to time, accompanied with my trademark backward lean. I don't know why I take pictures like this other than the fact that I'll take goofy/joker look over the potential disaster of being caught in a weird looking face during a picture that will be seen for a long time.
As you can see, this one is in front of an American flag. They also had a generic backdrop for foreigners and America-hating hippies who may want a picture sans flag. For that pic, I decided to employ a different strategy.
All business. I'm clearly not fucking around. Now give me my fucking diploma and let me get the hell out of here. That's what I'm about in this picture. Just let me hit that stage and shake Father Privett's hand. I had told myself that I was going to squeeze the shit out of Father Privett's hand when I got up there. He was going to remember me. Here's the photo.
Father Privett was dressed up like Jaffar, the villain from the Aladdin movie. As you can see, I'm smiling while I am approaching him for the handshake. I am really just buttering him up for a very painful and manly handshake, the likes of which he had never experienced from any butter-soft USF students, you see I'm a different breed. He was probably thinking:
"Oh look at the smile on this young fellow. He looks like a nice young man...OOOOOUUUUUUCH. MARY MOTHER OF JOSEPH! That was a firm and devastating handshake. Wow, that really hurt. Julien Rodriguez, I will forever remember you as the firmest handshake I have ever suffered through."
I saw all of that when I looked into his eyes. Fear, intense physical pain, and admiration. Well that pretty much sums up my graduation experience. Now I just have to endure a summer of classes to get my diploma. Shouldn't be too difficult.
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