Today I went to the Union Street Festival with my bff (Best Friend Forever, for those of you who are not familiar with internet acronyms) Rob, his girlfriend, and a friend of hers. Union Street festival is this annual event in San Francisco where they close down Union street and fill it with beer gardens, food stands, and a shitload of stands with people who sell useless shit. It's a pretty cool event because there are tons of people drinking and all the bars on Union are packed. As you could imagine, there was a high concentration of off-field talent. However, whenever there are a lot of good looking girls, there are sure to be douchebags in hot pursuit.
The Union Street festival was packed with assholes sporting tribal tattoos, tight designer t-shirts, and sunglasses that only a Persian would think were cool. This is to be expected, so it doesn't phase me, but this time there were a lot of old guys sporting this look. A bunch of old guys who are over the hill. I'm going to break it down for you:
If you have frosted hair and 12 year old grandkids...Congratulations, you are past your prime.
If you have to cancel dates with a 23 year old waitress to make an emergency visit to your chiropractor...Congratulations, you are past your prime.
If you have danced to "This Is Why I'm Hot" in a club or bar while washing down your Centrum pill with a cold one...Congratulations, you are past your prime.
If you can't drink too much because you're taking Flomax to help urinary difficulties such as going often, going urgently, weak stream and frequently waking up at night to go...Congratulations, you are past your prime.
Now I know it sounds like I am being a sourpuss over old "hip" men pulling girls in my age range, but that's not the case. I understand that this is the way it works. Women like to have some level of security in a man, and I cannot offer that, seeing as I eat microwavable fried chicken that I buy from the liquor store across the street. As much as I hate to admit, I know that once I establish myself financially at the age of 49, I'll be in bars trying to pull women half my age. It sounds pretty nasty when you put it that way. Maybe I'll just get to making money sooner.
1 comment:
Sounds like the Union Street Festival, like every urban street event, is another opportunity to engage in the "hunt." Every hunt, whether successful or not, is a learning experience.
Hunting for "tail" on the streets of San Francisco ... Aren't most of the good looking guys really looking for other guys? - Strike One. On a Saturday afternoon, most younger girls would prefer a younger guy who they'd be happy to be seen with with his shirt off. They'll take the older guys at night when there are drinks and dinner to buy. A younger guy shouldn't lose out to an older guy on a Saturday "afternoon." If you are ... Strike Two.
You sound like a Kirk Gibson guy ... good with two strikes. My bet is that you get laid at the next street festival.
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