Kanye West "Love Lockdown" VMA Perfromance

I'm very happy that 'Ye performed his new single at the VMA's. This shit is amazing. I can't even begin to say how much I appreciate the way he continues to push the envelope. If only more rap artists had the balls to go out on a limb the way Kanye does, we might not have to listen to bullshit like Soulja Boy. Enjoy the clip:

So I Was At Bed Bath and BeyOOGAARGHHAGH

This reminds me of one of my favorite all time movie scenes. The scene is in Problem Child 2. I could only find a clip dubbed in Spanish, but it's not like this has any profound dialogue. Enjoy.

This Never Stopped Me

You gotta love how the "good boy" looks terrified. I still don't get why this kid can't ignore the kid who's beating off and go to sleep, but then again I've been living in San Francisco for 4 years. Random people jacking off in public is pretty much par for the course here. I could probably fall asleep with a circle jerk going on in my room. I saw this pic when I was 10 years old. All it did was make be think that I should jack off standing up as opposed to doing it in my bed. That lasted for like 5 days and then I got lazy and went back to beating off in bed.

LaDainian Tomlinson and Kimbo Slice Workout Together

Pretty self-explanatory.

Cuban's Don't Take Disqualification Very Well

A Cuban Tae Kwon Do badass kicked an Olympic judge in the face this weekend because the judge called him a "Maricon" (that means fag in Spanish). The AP has some other explanation of the incident:

BEIJING -- Cuba's Angel Matos deliberately kicked a referee square in the face after he was disqualified in a bronze-medal match, prompting the World Taekwondo Federation to recommend that he be banned for life.

"We didn't expect anything like what you have witnessed to occur," said WTF secretary general Yang Jin-suk. "I am at a loss for words."

Yang also recommended Matos' coach be banned.

Matos was winning 3-2, with 1:02 left in the second round, when he fell to the mat after being hit by his opponent, Kazakhstan's Arman Chilmanov. Matos was sitting there, awaiting medical attention, when he was disqualified for taking too much injury time. Fighters get one minute, and Matos was disqualified when his time ran out.

Matos angrily questioned the call, pushed a judge, then pushed and kicked referee Chakir Chelbat of Sweden, who required stitches in his lip. Matos spat on the floor and was escorted out.

This report is culturally biased and I don't buy it. I gotta side with my fellow Cuban. The video is from a shitty angle, but here it is anyway.

K-Ci and JoJo Are Great Live

This is a video of K-Ci and Jojo in concert recently and Jojo passes out while K-Ci just keeps on singing. It's great. I love the part where Jojo falls down and the big security guard dude just walks right past him and picks up the mic. I was surprised to hear white people talking during the video. I read under the description of the video that this was in Sydney, Australia. I has no idea that these guys had enough white fans to perform in Australia.

You're Kidding Right?

Madonna is on the cover of New York Magazine this month. They say some shit about how she has the "new face". Do they mean that she looks good? She used to be alright but now she looks like Willem Dafoe. If I happened to see Madonna I wouldn't be surprised if she threw an exploding pumpkin at me while flying on a green hovercraft.

Willem Dafoe, for those who don't know. See what I did there? I got rhymes for days.

Getting PWND by Mother Nature

Some dipshit in Florida thought it would be a good idea to go kite surfing during a hurricane. Here's the story followed by a video.

FORT LAUDERDALE,Florida,August 18/08'Emergency officials have been warning South Floridians to seek shelter during Tropical Storm Fay but a man in Fort Lauderdale seeking some thrills on the rough surf didn't heed that warning and ended up in the hospital after being hurt in an astonishing kite boarding accident that was caught on camera.

A news crew was on Fort Lauderdale beach at A1A and eas More..t Las Olas Boulevard when a huge gust of wind from Fay blew down the beach and took the kite boarder by surprise. The kite boarder was harnessed into his sail when the wind violently picked him up and slammed him onto the sandy beach. Then, he was dragged across the sand before being lifted up into the air again and blown across the street where the wind slammed him into a building.

Witnesses ran to help the unidentified kite surfer who lay crumpled on the ground in pain.

Ray Gun? No Fucking Way!

Apparently the Pentagon has developed a Ray gun that hurts you as long as you're in the beam and the pain goes away as soon as you move out of the way. It's kind of like having a nagging ass girlfriend. It's fucking painful when she's bitching at you, but once you get away to a bar or to watch the ball game you're OK again. They've pretty much harnessed that power and maid it into a gun. Here's a clip:


Pretty cool huh? I felt his pain, like when my past girlfriends would bitch about me playing Madden, "No I can't talk right now. It'll be five minutes. I'm halfway through the 3rd quarter." Fucking works every time. That plea probably wouldn't work against a ray gun though.

Well Then

Apparently in India, bodybuilders get midgets for trophies.

The 21st Century Is Sexy

I have no idea why this video exists, but this is the kind of shit I've been wanting to see for a long time. I still feel like advanced slow motion technology is underutilized. Here's some more stuff I'd like to see in super slow motion:

The boobies in the above video getting shot with a Super Soaker.

A hippie getting hit by a Hummer.

A hippie getting hit by any hybrid car (sweet irony).

Dwight Howard's Superman dunk.

Gallagher smashing a Watermelon.

A white man's fall from grace into homelessness.

That's about all I could think of at the moment. I'm sure some more will come to me in due time.

Why I Went To See "Rambo" Last Night

This review was highly persuasive and the main reason I spent my hard earned money to go see Rambo last night. And you know what? That kid was totally right! The movie was badass and there was hardly any diologue, just like Secxman said. Thanks Sexman. You know that Sexman has to get tons of ass. I mean, just look at him, pure unadulterated badass.

You're probably wondering how I came across Sexman's articulate and informative review. Well I saw it on a fantastic movie blog that I read regularly called FilmDrunk. I suggest you check it out.

India; Where A Man Can Still Be A Man

Fuck Yes. That guy was so badass. I can only hope that one day I will be able to make an entrance as grand as the one that guy made. Rolling up my sleeves and just oozing with swagger. Very cool. I think I'm going to move to India because a man can still be a man there. Political corect-ness is keeping me and many other dudes from reaching our full badass potential. This clearly is not a problem in India. I'm on my way to Bollywood. NAMASTE!

THE REBIRTH...

OK, I haven't posted in over 2 months for a number of reasons. However I'm not here to make excuses like I have in the past. As you have surely noticed, I felt like the site needed a new look. I'm back for real this time so look for me to post frequently.

This Guy Kicks Ass, Hockey Still Sucks

This is a drunk ass fan at a New York Islanders game. You can tell by the sweat pants that this guy was planning on getting hammered. Being in sweats while inebriated is heavenly. This guy has it all figured out. Big up to The Postmen for unearthing this gem of a video.

Snoop Dogg's "Sensual Seduction"

Feast your eyes on the greatest music video of recent memory, "Sensual Seduction" by Snoop Dogg.

Holy shit! That is an awesome video. It's nice to see musicians these days, especially in rap, not take themselves so seriously. If you were wondering about the quality of the video, that is by design. He obviously used that old looking film to give it the retro feel. I know that only a retard would fail to grasp that, but this is a blog about drinking and scat humor, so I felt like some of the readers (7 out of 22) might need an explanation. I especially liked the keyboard guitar and the Roger Troutman-style voice box straw thingy. That shit is sweet.

OMG!!! AN UPDATE!!!

OK, I'm back for real now. I'm sorry for not posting, but I work full time now so I get tired and shit. I also have been using my creative juice towards a different project. I have been doing open mic stand up comedy here in San Francisco, so that's kind of what I have been doing with my free time.

In any case, I plan to start posting for real again. Half of what kept me from posting was the fucking Mulatto list. The Mulatto community is so volatile that I found myself constantly having to change the order of the top 20, so I never posted it. I might post it some day, but for now the remaining 20 of the Mulatto list shall remain an unsolved mystery. Now let's get back to business...

The Return of The Mulatto List: 30-21

I'm sorry for the long delay between posts, but I've been really busy for the first time in like a year. Well let's get right to it.

30. Jayson Williams
Jayson Williams is the former NBA All-Star Center for the New Jersey Nets. I had no idea that he was a Mulatto, but I looked it up and it is true. He was a pretty good player and was a pretty funny guy in interviews and TV appearances. All in all, a really likable guy as well as talented. The only reason that he is this low on the list is because he accidentally killed his limo driver with a shotgun. Williams avoided jail time after a jury ruled that the shooting was caused by the shotgun misfiring due to a factory defect.

29. Eartha Kitt
This lady played the Catwoman on the 1960's Batman TV show. Orson Welles once called Eartha Kitt "The most exciting woman in the world." That's kind of broad. It could mean just about anything, but I'm going to assume that it meant that he wanted to have sex with her. It's kind of a bummer that Halle Berry took the Catwoman character and turned it into quite possibly the worst movie ever made. I'm not losing much sleep over it 'cause hey, it's Halle Berrry in leather.

28. Thandie Newton
I really haven't got a whole lot to say about Ms. Newton. I know she's British and that she may have had an eating disorder. That's about it. She made this list purely off of being super hot in "Mission Impossible 2".

27. Devon Ellis
Who is Devon Ellis, you ask? Haha, Devon Ellis is a strong Mulatto that would rank higher on this list if he was actually a celebrity. He is my roommate, good friend, fellow Mulatto, and probably the most prolific drinker I've ever known. He loves America, as you can see by his head wear, and he is all man. His DVD collection is strong and admirable, featuring many legendary movies like "Ghost Dad" and "The Pest" starring John Leguizamo. His collection is the only one that rivals mine. He introduced me to Boston Market microwavable beef sirloin and noodles, which is the greatest microwavable food ever. That was more than enough to earn him a spot on this list.

26. James Blake
James Blake is kinda cool. He's an American pro tennis player. I don't follow tennis that much, but James Blake just seems cool to me. However, when I do follow tennis, it always seems like he is losing. This is why he only ranks 26 on the list despite me thinking he's pretty cool.

25. Me
I am the 25th Mulatto on the list. Do you really need an explanation? I mean look at the picture. It takes a man to pull those shorts off. I am also the author of this blog, which probably has a whopping 20-25 readers. I also did a couple of awesome things in my 22 years, like the time I dug a hole at the beach, laid in it, covered myself with a towel and bread, and then caught a seagull in my arms. It was beyond badass. I also played the role of Rufus in the 2005 independent film "Love on The Rocks".

24. Tony Gonzalez

Tony Gonzalez is the tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs. He is arguably the greatest tight end of all time. He really should be higher on this list, but he pisses me off due the fact that he is Puerto Rican and cannot speak Spanish. A damn shame, especially since the NFL could use a legit Latino ambassador. Whatever, they have those NFL Latino commercials now.

23. John Amaechi
John Amaechi might be the most courageous Mulatto on this list. He used to play center for several NBA teams. The 7-foot Brit recently came out of the closet as a homosexual and has provided tons of insight into the discussion of homosexuality in sports. If you ever get a chance to check out one of his post-coming out interviews, please do. Like I said before, he's got a lot to say. I know homophobia is an awful thing, and I do not condone it. However, when Amaechi came out of the closet, Tim Hardaway left us with this idiotic rant that I can't help but laugh at:

22. Maya Rudolph
Maya Rudolph is, in my opinion, is one of the funniest women in the world. Her mother was Minnie Riperton, the black soul singer who performed "Lovin' You". Her father was a Jewish producer. I'm not making this up. If you don't agree that she is hilarious, then watch this Destiny's child parody:


21. Ben Harper
I really don't like Ben Harper's music. I really don't like Ben Harper's wife, actress Laura Dern. She isn't attractive and she annoyed the shit out of me in "Jurassic Park". So why does he have such a decent spot on my list? I saw him on time on Haight St. and he looked kind of cool and I was surprised that I could recognize a celebrity that I don't really know much about. I guess Ben Harper is alright with me.

Well that's all for today. I promise that I will deliver the final 20 spots on the countdown, as well as other goodies, by the end of the work week. Take care of yourselves and be don't be afraid to get interracial and add fuel to the Mulatto fire.

Happy Halloween To All My Witches and My [Grave] Diggas!

Awwww man. Awww fuck man. It's so on. Halloween is the tits. I fucking love Halloween. Halloween has always been one of my favorite days of the year throughout my entire life. It has always offered me something awesome at every stage of my life. During my childhood I went trick or treating like everyone else. In High School, me and my buddies would just hop in our cars and throw eggs at trick or treaters that looked too old to be trolling for candy. I'll bet you're thinking something like "what an asshole!" Well fuck you. That shit was fun, don't knock it till you've tried it. In college, I would just get hammered on Halloween and enjoy all of the wonderful, sexy outfits college girls like wearing on Halloween. That's the coolest thing about Halloween once you get to college, girls just wear shit that they would never wear otherwise.

Unfortunately, I'm done with college now...wait. Why the fuck is this unfortunate? I'm still gonna get trashed tonight, and I won't have any class tomorrow. This is tremendous! I intend on drinking something festive, but maybe a little ghoulish as well. Maybe some champagne with like a fake severed finger in the glass. Ah fuck that's a stupid idea. I have this sweet Halloween glass that I bought last year. It's like a skull at the bottom, the shit is cool. I can just drink any kind of booze out of that and be festive and ghoulish. Yea that's a much better idea. In any case, I'm going to have a great time. What's that? You want to know what I'm going to be for Halloween? Oh, I can't share that with you yet. If anything exceptional happens tomorrow night, there will surely be a follow up post where I will fill you all in as well as tell you what I am dressing up as. I'm not to big on it, I don't think it's that creative or well done. Well at least it will be better than this guy's costume:



Seriously dude? C'mon man, everyone knows that Frankenstein is green, not black. He certainly doesn't wear Greg Oden's Ohio State jers...oh shit. That is actually Greg Oden. He really looks like that? That's fucked up man. My bad.

HW&B Top 50 Mulattoes List: 40-31

Alright, so now that we've made it through the first ten spots on the list, it's time for 40-31. Lets get is going.

40. Drew Gooden

Drew Gooden is the starting power forward for the Eastern Conference Champions, the Cleveland Cavaliers. He hails from Oakland, California. Drew Gooden is a solid player, but I don't like him all that much. I put him on the list because I feel like any Mulatto that starts for an NBA conference championship team should be honored on the list. He really should be higher on this list, but there is one thing that is holding him back...

WHAT. THE. FUCK. Seriously, why does he have a patch of hair on the back of his neck? He has said that it's "an Oakland thing" yet I live in the Bay Area and I have yet to see anyone wearing one of those. I do see a bunch or rat-tails, but no patches. Maybe his hair patch is just and underdeveloped rat-tail, in which case I might give him a break.

39. Lisa Bonet

Lisa Bonet is half Jewish and half Black. She played Denise Huxtable on "The Cosby Show". She was married to Lenny Kravitz, who is also half Black and half Jewish. This was very convenient because they had a daughter, Zoe, so she is also Black and Jewish. The reason I have Lisa Bonet on this list is because the rap duo of MURS and Slug (of the group Atmosphere) made an album called "Felt 2: A Tribute to Lisa Bonet". I love that fucking album, therefore Lisa Bonet has a special place in my heart. Here is a video from that album, shit is kinda awesome:


38. David Justice

David Justice is a badass. He used to be an outfielder for a whole shitload of Major League teams, but I really don't care to mention any of them. He is on this list for two reasons and two reasons only. First, he was an absolute badass on MTV's Rock N Jock Softball back in the early-mid 90's. He and Kenny Lofton would lead their teams into battle for annual Rock N Jock supremacy. I used to love that shit as a kid. The second reason Justice is on this list is because he was once married to Halle Berry. One time when she was on Letterman, she showed a tattoo on her ass that was dedicated to David Justice. That's gotta make a guy feel like a true badass. Justice would be higher on this list if he could have stayed with Halle Berry or remained in the public eye somehow. I'm sure he's kicking himself now because she's only gotten older and she looks just as good, maybe better. She still looks great now despite being pregnant. Check it out: I know, right?

37. Lloyd Banks

Lloyd Banks is a member of 50 Cent's rap group, G-Unit. Banks is the son of a Puerto Rican Mother and a Black father. There was a time when Banks was one of my favorite rappers and was generally regarded as a highly promising talent. His debut album, "The Hunger For More" went platinum and was critically acclaimed. His second album, "Rotten Apple" was God awful and the reason he is only #37 on this list. Seriously, that album was shit. I really like Banks, so I hope he can recover. I just puked a little in my mouth because I was thinking about how shitty "Rotten Apple" is. Now I gotta go brush my teeth.

36. Karyn Parsons

Karyn Parsons played the role of Hillary on "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air". She's on the list because I think she's really hot. Have you ever seen the movie "The Ladies Man"? She looks amazing in that movie. That's all I really have to say about Karyn Parsons.

35. Rick Fox

Rick Fox used to play small forward for the Los Angeles Lakers. Rick was one of my favorite players and he is on this list because he was a valuable role player on the Laker teams that won NBA championships from 2000-2002. He is also an actor, and was on the HBO show "OZ" which was one of my favorites. He also used to be married to Vanessa Williams, so that helps his cause as well. Here's a clip of Rick Fox on "OZ":


34. Mario Van Peebles

I don't know why, but I really like this guy. He's the balls. I don't know a whole lot about Mario Van Peebles. I know that he was badass in "New Jack City" with Wesley Snipes and Ice-T, and that he was in this movie called "Solo" that I never saw. In any case, this guy is pretty cool.

33. Rosie Perez

Rosie Perez is a Puerto Rican Mulatta and she is on this list for a couple of reasons. She's in two of my favorite movies ever, "Do The Right Thing" and "White Men Can't Jump". The other reason she's on this list is because she has FANTASTIC boobs. You see them in both of those movies, which is awesome. Kanye West recently made a reference to Rosie's boobs in one of his songs. The lyric goes like this:

"Mr. Fresh, Mister-by hisself he's so impressed
I mean damn, did you even see the test
You got D's, motherfucker, D's! Rosie Perez!"

32. Bernie Williams


Bernie Williams is a former Major League Baseball player and critically acclaimed Latin Jazz guitarist. Bernie played center field for the New York Yankees and won four World Series championships with the Yanks. Bernie is an accomplished guitar player as you can tell by the photograph above. Bernie, like Rosie Perez, is a Puerto Rican Mulatto.

31. Shane Battier

Shane Battier plays small forward for the Houston Rockets. He was a superstar in college, leading the Duke Blue Devils to a national championship in 2001 while winning just about every collegiate player of the year award. I HATE Duke, but I've always had a strong respect for Shane Battier. He plays hard and he plays the game the right way. I wish he played for the Lakers. He also has a really fucking weird shape to his head, which combined with his collegiate accolades, was enough to land him the 31 spot on this list.

Well that's all for today, check back tomorrow night for the third installment of the Mulatto list. Keep thinking about that hot interracial action folks. PEACE!