Oh man am I psyched. It's 4th of July and I am loving it despite the fact that I'm in San Francisco, which is not the greatest place to celebrate the 4th. If you're like me and get a huge America-boner on the 4th, then here's a list of things that you can do to celebrate freedom, doing it big, and manifest destiny, the things that make America badass.
- Go to In-N-Out or any good burger joint and order a burger with more than 4 patties. Get it to go. When you get home start watching Discovery Channel or anything about third world countries while eating your huge, opulent burger. Be thankful that you are in America, not in some diamond mine, and that America takes everyone else's natural resources.
- Test the limits of your freedom by doing things in the name of America. Drink in public, wear a shirt with foul language on it, or anything else that would be questionable on a different day. If anyone bitches about it, call that asshole a freedom hater.
- Drink a lot of American liquor. Yes you can have Corona and Patron, Mexican liquor is OK due to NAFTA (North American Free Trade Agreement, for you non-educated folk).
- Gather up a group of friends and usurp as many small nations and municipalities as possible. Places like Micronesia and Liechtenstein would be ideal. If you really want to do it big you can take over The Vatican. That place only has like 900 people. Whatever land you choose to take, don't forget to bring an American flag because you're gonna need that shit to look all sweet once you kick the shit out of some small country.
- Aww fuck this, it's your freedom, do what you want. I'm no expert on freedom. Just make sure that whatever you do, do it big. Remember that being American means never having to say you're sorry...for anything. Happy 4th of July.
1 comment:
Jules -
Love the 4th of July post. Quality all around. Enjoy your day buddy.
Frank
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