Ugueth Urbina, the former closer for the Boston Red Sox, Florida Marlins, Texas Rangers, Philadelphia Phillies, and Detroit Tigers, is going to be in the joint for a very long time. The two-time all-star was sentenced to 14 years in Venezuela for the attempted murder of five workers on his ranch. Here's what supposedly went down according to ESPN.com:
The 32-year-old free agent was accused of joining a group of men in attacking and injuring workers with machetes and pouring gasoline on them at his family's ranch, located about 25 miles south of Caracas.
Urbina repeatedly has denied involvement with the violence, saying he was sleeping at the time of the attack.
The pitcher's lawyer, Jose Luis Tamayo, has said that Urbina surprised the workers by showing up at his ranch that night while they were bathing in the pool without permission. Urbina spoke sharply to them, but later left and went to sleep, according to Tamayo.
Lemme guess how Uggie "sharply" spoke to the workers who were using his pool.
"Hey you little fucks, get the fuck out of my pool! I swear to God Almighty and the seven fucking dwarfs that if you don't get out of my pool, which you cocksuckers forgot to clean, I will fuck you up with my machete! Oh and I won't stop there. Once I finish butchering you maricons, I'm going to pour gasoline all over your peasant asses and then burn you to death! You will be so fucking scorched that they're gonna have to take dental records just to identify your ass! Get the fuck out of the pool before I get pissed!"
I'm pretty sure that's all Urbina did. It was probably just a huge coincidence that the victims got hacked with machetes and doused with gasoline. I just hope Uggie is in good shape. I used to watch "Oz" so I know that prison can be rough, but who knows what it's like in Venezuela? Sheesh.
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