The Inspiration

So I was at a bar last night with a couple of friends. On the surface, this bar looked like a sports bar. Right up my alley. When I walked in, I saw something very different. There were a ton of hippies with no shoes on, all dancing to this Phish-wannabe band. FUCK. What have I gotten myself into. You should have seen these people, fuck it, I'll show you:



Fucked up right? I thought that I'd have to go to an Allman Brothers concert to see this kind of bullshit. Well anyway, I figured that I would salvage the night by just boozin' with my buddy Rob, who came with me and is all man. We get to drinking and laughing at all of these people and Rob mentioned something about Organic food. The light bulb went off in my head and I decided to write a blog entry about organic food and the pussies who eat it.

Organic food is for pussies. Can a respectable man have organic food from time to time? Sure, I've known such men. However, the typical organic consumer is typically one of 3 types of people:

1. Women. Nothing to say about that.

2. The wuss, hippie, environmentalist types you saw in the video above.

3. The douchebag who hangs out in the Marina (if you know San Francisco) or the dipshit that listens to Coldplay, wears a`scarf without a jacket, and drinks Chai tea on a regular basis (I know that sounded like my good friend, Frank. Frank is all man, despite his few missteps. He somehow transcends the douchebaggery and remains all man).

I don't like types 2 and 3. Not because I actually think of them as lesser forms of men...wink, but because I have nothing in common with them. I like to think of myself as a man's man and they are fruity or something. I dunno.

My other issue with organic food/free range is that the whole idea is bullshit.Who cares if they spray shit on your fruit? The fruit doesn't have fucking feelings. Some people say that the organic produce is better for you and that less Llamas die if you eat it or something, I dunno. All I know is that if you get sick from non-organic produce, you are a complete wuss and you had it coming. People in Mexico drink water with Giardia in it and they don't complain. Stop bitching about the fruit.

Now we move on to the whole free range thing. Who gives a shit about where my Buffalo wings came from. I wouldn't give a shit if Farmer John fucked the pig that became the bacon in my BLT. Free range chicken is for pussies. I'm convinced that the people who bitch about slaughterhouses have never been around farm animals for more than the 15 minutes they spent at the petting zoo. Farm animals fucking suck. They stink like shit, they make annoying noises, and they can't kick any ass. I'm sure chimp meat is delicious, but there is a reason we don't eat chimps. They kick ass. All chimps are amazing comedians/actors, they beat off, and they can do flips. All things that men do. If you could find me a farm animal that could do any of that shit, I would start eating free range bullshit, but I still won't listen to Phish and look like this guy:



What the fuck?